dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's shark week go big or go home
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
