Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I've blown a few things in my day
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
