So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
