I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
