Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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