Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
only you would photoshop your dick
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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