I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
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I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
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I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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