ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
