We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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