I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
