i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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