someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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