I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
