Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We need to get me chipped asap
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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