I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
God, I missed his penis.
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