Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
