We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
