Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
