I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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