you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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