she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
