Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize