Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
