got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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