There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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