I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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