so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
