u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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