So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
