I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
