hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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