i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
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The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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