and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
