Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
