I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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