It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You don't make any sense
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