He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
