p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
