she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
