4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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