She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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