Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
