don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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