Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
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I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
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It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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