i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
