yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
