after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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