I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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