I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
