That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And then he peed in my hair
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