i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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