Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
