i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
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I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
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I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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