The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
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It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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