I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
