I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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