Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
