My Higher Power is John Stamos
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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