I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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