i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
