why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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