I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
