Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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