hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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