Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
