I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
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I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
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How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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