So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
