even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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